Maybe you didn’t know that thriving was an option right now. It is.
Many of us are experiencing anxiety, worry, and fear. We are stressed, overwhelmed, and angry. That’s okay.
It’s normal to have intense emotions at a time like this. Please know that you’re not alone. There is no one right way to do this. We are all going through this for the very first time. It might be messy. We might find a lot of things that don’t work. On the other hand, we might find some things that do.
In that spirit I am sharing four things that you can experiment with as we are ordered to stay at home, shelter-in-place, self-isolate, or quarantine.
First, allow your emotions.
Most people don’t like the way negative emotions feel. As a result, much of our behavior is an attempt to avoid or change them. The moment we start to feel anxious or worried, our first instinct is to escape the uncomfortable feeling. We reach for food, entertainment, social media, alcohol, drugs, anything that will distract us from what we are feeling.
When we attempt to escape our uncomfortable feelings with external stimulus, they are only temporarily postponed. A distraction has been provided, but nothing has been solved. Meanwhile, the negative feelings are still there, possibly compounded by the side effects of whatever we used to escape.
Before you can truly change a feeling, you need to be able to feel it all the way through. There are no short-cuts.
How do you do that?
Recognize your feelings and name them. That, in and of itself, is very powerful. Feelings like anxiety, fear and overwhelm thrive on vagueness. As you recognize it, you separate yourself from it enough to label it.
Then, once you have recognized the feeling, you have a decision to make. You can resist it, react to it, avoid it or allow it. The first three options are always unproductive. The key is to accept and allow what you are feeling.
It is okay to feel afraid.
It is okay to feel stress.
It is okay to feel worried.
It is okay to feel anxious.
Take as much time as you need.
Often, we feel bad about feeling bad and just compound the negative emotions. You don’t need to feel bad about feeling bad. Allowing the negative emotion doesn’t make it go away. However, as soon as you allow it, your sense of control returns.
If you would like more information about working through anxiety specifically, you can access my Free Resource Library for an information sheet and exercises.
Second, embrace the contrast of life.
What we are experiencing right now is a stark contrast to what most of us were experiencing two or three weeks ago. We didn’t know how good we had it!
A concept that has really helped me accept life’s twists and turns is acknowledging that our human experience is SUPPOSED to be a balance of positive and negative.
Nothing has gone wrong.
Just recognizing that life isn’t supposed to be positive and happy all the time has allowed me to relax into, and accept those times that don’t feel as awesome as I wish they did.
We cannot appreciate our good fortune or our good health without opposition. We came to this earth to experience life. And, this human life is made up of the entire range of possible emotions, including the half that doesn’t feel good. No one is immune from negative emotions, and we wouldn’t want to be.
Only when we assume that life should be better than it is do we suffer. Being happy and positive 100% of the time is not the goal or purpose of life. It is impossible. A more realistic goal would be to embrace the entire human experience as well as we can and allow others to do the same.
Afterall, it is only through knowing sorrow that we can experience joy. Do not fear the sorrow.
Third, ask empowering questions.
This may be my favorite. In challenging times the quality of our questions tend to decline.
Maybe you have asked yourself questions similar to these in the recent weeks:
- What if I get sick?
- Why is this happening to me?
- What if I lose all of my money?
- What if I can’t work?
- What if I am not able to take care of my family?
Our brains were designed to answer questions. It will seek answers to whatever questions we ask. If you ask yourself a question that incorporates a negative belief, your brain will get to work finding evidence to prove it correct. One negative question will lead to others.
This is the time we need to carefully consider the questions we ask of ourselves.
Whatever emotion you are feeling, find a question that will serve you. Continue asking questions that will provide you with answers moving you forward, even during these uncertain times. You may be surprised to find a source of wisdom within you that you might not have known existed before.
What types of questions are empowering? An empowering question is a thought provoking, open ended, challenging question that allows you to look for new answers and opportunities.
I will share a few of my favorites:
- How can I use this experience for my good?
- What am I learning?
- What can I do today to take care of myself and my family?
- How is this going to help me and my family grow?
Just keep asking them and give your brain something to work on. The higher quality the questions, the higher quality the answers will be.
Fourth, focus on what you DO know and what you can DO.
Yes, there are many things that are uncertain in the world right now. So, we panic and feel anxiety because there is also a lot of uncertainty in our minds. When in reality, nothing has ever been certain. Many of us are afraid that ourselves or loved ones may become infected by the corona virus.
That is a real possibility.
Life is not certain. The virus may not effect us, but any one of us could have our health negatively impacted by a thousand other things that we are currently unaware of.
The best way to deal with uncertainty is to focus on what you do know and what you can do. We do know there is a pandemic. We cannot be certain that we, or a loved one will not contract it. However, we can follow and practice what we do know: social distancing, isolating at home, washing our hands, being smart if we must leave our homes, protecting ourselves and protecting other people.
Finally, during this time you may notice that some people are doing some remarkable things. You might even feel guilty that you aren’t doing more. Please don’t add guilt to whatever other emotions you are feeling right now.
Each of us have special gifts and talents. Not all of them translate into tangible acts of service or invention. Your contributions may be less visible, but they are no less important. Resist the urge to compare what you are doing to others. Certainly, if you desire to do something, by all means do so.
We can’t control what is happening in the world right now, but we can control how we respond, feel, and show up for our lives.
Not being able to control the pandemic can leave us feeling very disempowered and out of control. However, we do have a choice. We can choose to focus on what is in our control and what we can personally learn from this situation.
There will be some who believe that there is no upside to this pandemic; that it has nothing to offer but financial depressions, overwhelmed systems, and unnecessary suffering. You could look at it that way. However, there will also be hidden lessons, opportunities, and growth.
The pandemic will end. When it does, who will you be?
You do have a choice.
If you are unsure how to go about finding the lessons, opportunities and growth for you that are hiding in the current pandemic, I have created a short daily exercise to get you started. You can access the download through the FREE Resource Library.
Photo by Samantha Gades on Unsplash
