When we started spring break last Monday, I had no idea the kids wouldn’t be returning to school.
School in a traditional setting was something we were relatively new at. Ironically, we homeschooled our children up until just a few weeks ago. In a way, we are just back to normal. It looks a little different, but having my kids home feels like home.
I know that for many of you, this is not normal at all.
Many of you are scared that you won’t be able to do what you have suddenly been asked to do. Many of you don’t want to do it at all! That’s okay.
Believe me when I say your children are going to be fine.
I don’t want to talk about your kids, or their education, or how to entertain them.
They will be fine.
However, I do want to talk about YOU.
If there is anything I have learned (the hard way) from having a house full of kids all day it is this: a mother must take time to care for herself before she can take care of anyone else.
We have heard the airplane oxygen mask metaphor so often that eyes usually roll upon the mere mention of it. It is a good one, and I will spare you from repeating it. However, this new insight I feel compelled to share: the exact same instructions are given for every flight regardless of the anticipated duration, type of plane, number of passengers, or terrain under the flight path.
Hopefully, just a few weeks of social distancing and home educating will be required. But whether it is 2 weeks, 8 weeks, or months, what I am going to share was relevant before and even more imperative now.
Taking care of yourself IS taking care of your children.
According to a German study, the links between a mother’s happiness and satisfaction and her child’s are partly due to “transmission of behavioral choices associated with happiness.” So, what are the “behavioral choices” most associated with happiness and satisfaction? The same study found significant factors to be: maintaining a balance between work and leisure, regular exercise and active involvement in social activities.
In the past, we may have associated these factors with activities outside of the home. Today we are learning how to fulfill work, leisure, exercise, and social activities while staying inside our homes. It is a unique opportunity and experiment that we are all engaged in.
Often, when we speak about motherhood, homeschooling, or social distancing with children, we use language that defines it as hard, consuming, and sacrificial work that we can’t wait to end. There is an unspoken assumption that in order to “do this right” it will require that we give up part of who we are. In reality, what your children need now possibly more than ever is a happy, fulfilled and vibrant mother who shows up for her life in the same way whether she is in the home or outside of the home.
“When mothers, or anyone for that matter, deny themselves any aspect of their life that interests or excites them and makes them who they are, they can start to feel resentful, moody or victimized. Self-denial can rouse feelings of irritability, guilt, isolation, dissatisfaction, anger, anxiety or depression. Just as their positive emotions will extend to their children, these negative emotions will have a heavy impact on those around them.”
Lisa Firestone Ph.D.
Your mental and emotional well-being has a direct impact on the mental and emotional well-being of your children.
With no where to go and no one to see, it is easy to let familiar routines slip. The habitual and familiar will help you feel more grounded in your life even when everything feels up in the air. Now is the time to keep them up.
Here are 6 personal care routines to maintain, or improve upon, during social distancing.
Get adequate sleep.
Maintain a consistent sleep and wake time. I know it will be tempting to stay up late when there are no school drop offs, gym workouts, and appointments for the day. But keeping a regular schedule when it comes to sleep is vital.
Adequate sleep has been shown to improve memory, spur creativity, sharpen attention and lower stress. With benefits like these, making sleep a priority is essential.
Get dressed.
Getting dressed may seem trivial, but this may be the single best piece of advice I was given as a new mother. No matter if the plan for the day includes staying home all day, or just most of the day, leave the pajamas for sleeping and the workout clothes for exercising.
Getting dressed for the day is a gift you give yourself.
Take a shower, wash your face, brush your teeth, put clean clothes on, maybe even some makeup and perfume like you have important things to do today. Because you do!
Stay Hydrated.
It is recommended that we drink half of our body weight in ounces each day. You are probably not drinking enough water. The benefits of hydration are endless. But my three favorites are: combats fatigue, improves complexion, and helps digestion.
Nutrition not calories.
Don’t just give your body calories, give your body nutrition. There is a difference!
If you are eating your kids leftovers for lunch it may be time for an intervention. Grown women need more than PBJ, fruit snacks, and goldfish. No matter what eating philosophy you prescribe to, make nutrition your goal. Eat when you are hungry, stop before you are full.
Move your body.
Our bodies were meant to move. Have you moved today?
It is possible to move even when getting to the gym is not advised. Take a walk, for for a bike ride, play tag with your kids, run up and down the stairs or hallway. You can also find free workout videos on YouTube, or dust off those old DVD’s. Do them with your kids, or alone. Have fun and move.
In addition, physical activity is proven to reduce stress, improve quality of sleep and increase energy. I will take more of that, please.
Connect with others.
Have you talked to an adult today? I know you are talking to your kids or pets, but another adult can make all the difference. We are so lucky to live in a time where technology makes is easier and faster to communicate with each other than ever before. Let’s use it!
Don’t underestimate the power of human connection. Call a friend or family member instead of texting. Engage with others on social media instead of just scrolling. Send a message to someone you haven’t heard from in a while.
The best thing you can do for your kids right now is to take care of yourself.
Your children are looking to you to see how they should respond in this situation that is new for them, too. Maintaining your routines for feeling vital and engaged sets an example for your children. Moreover, it gives your children permission to feel safe, secure and joyful during uncertain times.
If you are struggling, ask for help! No one needs to go through this alone. Reach out to a therapist or schedule a call with a coach. Many are offering their services for free. There are people who are willing to help.
Need more suggestions on creating a self-care plan? Download my free pdf worksheet here.
You can do this!
