Last year our youngest daughter went “trick-or-treating” for the first time. Well, it was the first one that she was walking on her own and can remember, that is. We had just moved into a new home and hadn’t met many of our neighbors, or even walked the sidewalks yet. It was also our first family walk through our new community.
Trick-or-treating went as planned. Kids dressed up. We meet our neighbors. Everyone received plenty of candy. The definition of success.
That is until several days I later when I attempted to go on a walk with my daughter. She wouldn’t stay on the sidewalk. She kept running to our neighbors front doors. No amount of coaxing would dissuade her and I had to resort to picking her up and returning her to the sidewalk.
Her removal was met with kicking and screaming. We immediately returned home. There would be no walk today.
You see, she had associated walking in our neighborhood with trick-or-treating. At two-and-a-half it made perfect sense. I walk. I knock. I get candy. That is what trick-or-treating is and she hadn’t discovered that it only happens one day a year.
Like my daughter, many of us spend time and energy pursuing things that give immediate pleasure at the expensive of things that produce well-being.
A walk with my daughter would have contributed to her well-being (and mine), but her focus was on the pleasure that candy could provide.
She was, and still is, too young to identify her emotions in these moments. But as adults our capacity for interpreting and processing emotions is much greater, however not always utilized in ways that contribute to our well-being.
What is the difference between false pleasure and well-being?
Pleasure seems to be one of those things that you know when you are experiencing it, but can’t always predict what might give you pleasure. But then again sometimes you can. Just like my daughter with her first taste of trick-or-treating candy, the rush of dopamine associated with the experience makes lasting connections in our brains!
False pleasure is temporary and has a component of entertainment or escapism. It exists as something outside of you and often works against your well-being.
On the other hand, well-being is the state of being comfortable, healthy, or happy. At least that is the definition you can find online. I would add, that well-being comes from within you and can never be found outside of you.
Don’t get me wrong. External pleasures are not bad. They are a wonderful part of our human experience! I love a good gingerbread cookie, and a holiday movie. It is only when we indulge in external pleasures as a substitute for well-being that we create problems, or sabotage our goals and dreams.
When you are bored, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed or tired what do you reach for?
This time of year between Halloween and New Years provides a plethora of opportunities to avoid, resist, and react to negative emotions like the ones I have identified above. The options and accessibility for eating, shopping, entertaining, and drinking are almost endless. And for many it is the beginning of the loop of false pleasures that leads to making the same New Year Resolutions year after year.
False pleasures are easy to get, easy to buy, easy to experience…. and easy to mistake for happiness.
True well-being and happiness cannot be bought, and is often disguised as work. Health, confidence, accomplishment, connection, self-mastery, kindness to yourself and others – the results of well-being are lasting and worth the effort.
What if this year was different?
What if you didn’t use this time of year as an excuse to:
- over-eat?
- over-spend?
- over-drink?
- over-entertain?
- over-shop?
- or over-indulge in anything?
How much time would it free up?
What might you do with that time?
I know that you have big goals, or maybe you are just beginning to consider the possibility of big goals. The only thing standing in the way of you accomplishing those goals is your fear of feeling negative emotions.
Give up the false pleasures. Feel the emotions. Stop running away from the pain and move towards the experience of true well-being. You can do it.
Sound good, but you don’t know where to start. Click here.
