The holiday season is in full swing. It is the time of year we spend with those we love and give thanks for our many blessings, while anxiously awaiting gifts and new goals. At the core of it all is gratitude.
Gratitude for the blessings of the past.
Gratitude for our present circumstances.
Gratitude for the possibilities of the future.
Gratitude is the emotion that is experienced from truly believing that what we already have is, and will be, enough. But the world we live in is determined to makes us believe otherwise. Everywhere we turn, and especially so during the holiday season, we are assaulted with the message of needing more. Do more. Be more. Make more. Have more. Buy more. We are regularly reminded of everything we’re not and everything we don’t have.
Is it possible to be grateful and yet still want more?
I believe gratitude and desire are two sides of the same coin. Rather than one being good and the other evil, they are complimentary and can serve as a catalyst for personal growth and increased gratitude.
Here is how we can cultivate contentment and a heart of gratitude all year long while still nurturing wants and desires.
Count Your Blessings
Are you grateful for what you have? The reality is that no, maybe you don’t have ALL that you want, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t focus on and appreciate what you already do have.
While counting your blessings may seem trivial, and makes for a catchy tune, it is sound advice. Count your blessings. Make the list. Name them one by one. Even if it seems difficult at first, keep at it. Make the overwhelming case that you have a blessed life.
The magic of this exercise is that what you focus on expands. If your focus is on what you lack, you will find deficiencies in every area of your life. If you focus on what you do have, you will find evidence that life is giving you everything you need. Right on time.
It’s easy to feel gratitude when things are going your way, but what about during the challenges?
Having an attitude of gratitude is making the conscious choice to be thankful even when things aren’t necessarily going your way. Intentionally direct your attention to what you have rather than what you lack. Train your mind to regularly look for the blessings, the goodness that surrounds you, and the possibility that exists in each moment of your life. It does take practice, like any other skill you have developed. And with practice, it eventually becomes easier.
Honor Your Wants and Desires
I know you may be thinking that a discussion of gratitude shouldn’t include wanting for something more. And if so, you are free to skip ahead. However, if you are curious, keep reading.
I believe your wants and desires are a valuable teacher and a gift. Your desires matter. Be grateful for them!
One of the reason we don’t like to state our wants and desires is because we are afraid of not having them, or what others might think of them. We unknowingly disappoint ourselves ahead of time, burying our desires to save us from the potential disappointment of trying and failing. The skill of wanting withers when not used and in time we can’t recall any of our dreams, wants, or desires.
Case in point: my children have no problem coming up with a detailed list of things they want for Christmas, but the adults in my life can’t think of anything they want.
So, YES! make a list of all your blessings. But, consider another list: things you want and desire.
On a piece of paper, or a blank document on your computer, number lines 1-50. On each of the odd number lines write something you want. Examples might include: paying off student loans, buying a new car, taking a vacation, etc.
Warning: do not censure or judge your wants, just put them on the paper. Don’t include what you think you should want, or what other people might find acceptable. What do YOU want? Why do YOU want it? Do YOU like your reasons for it?
Own your wants, they do matter.
For some, this exercise is even more difficult than counting blessings! Don’t believe me? Give it a try.
Once you have identified 25 wants you can move on. These next wants are a little different. For each of the even numbered lines list an item you want that you also currently have. An example might be: a daughter, an emergency fund, a swimming pool. Whatever you have in your life that you always wanted and have right now.
When you are finished you will have a list of 50 things you want past, present, and future.
Contentment In The Present
There was a moment in your life when the things you are grateful for now were just a desire you hoped and believed would one day be yours.
We’re always going to desire more, it is part of our divine nature to continually seek. How many of the items on your list that you do have now, were just ago a want for the future a few years ago? Your list will always be evolving as the future becomes the present and you generate new wants.
But just because we desire more doesn’t mean that we can’t be content with things as they currently are. It is possible to be grateful while simultaneously desiring more, and acknowledging that what you already have is more than enough.
I remember the days I prayed for the things I have now: a husband, children, a black mini-van, a beautiful home. Each of these things I wanted long before I had them. Yet, I was also content and filled with gratitude long before they arrived.
In 2003 I was recently divorced, living alone, working full-time, and going back to school. My life wasn’t what I imagined it would be at 28. In fact, it was pretty much the opposite. And yet, I had never felt so grateful, content, and full of hope for the future. I was completely at peace that I could, and would, be happy while unmarried, childless, living alone, and working for as long as was required, even if it meant for the rest of my life. I believed this with every fiber of my being and set about living my life.
And it was then that everything changed.
There is amazing power when you combine gratitude, contentment, and hope.
One by one the wants for my future became my present. First was a husband, then a baby, and a few more babies, the black mini-van and the beautiful house.
Many years later, when I had everything I originally wanted I began to feel guilty for wanting more. Didn’t I already have enough? More than I could have imagined? Shouldn’t I just be content and happy with what is? Isn’t it selfish to want to do or have anything else?
Yes and no.
It’s true. Even if I never have another desire met, want granted, or dream realized, I will still have an amazing life with innumerable things to be grateful for. My life is so much more than I knew was possible. But I know there is still so much possibility that exists within this life of mine, and this life of yours. We are planted on this earth to grow.
“We can and ‘ought to be content with the things allotted to us,’ being circumstantially content but without being self-satisfied and behaviorally content with ourselves.” Neil A. Maxwell.
I have read this quote several times, but I particularly love it in the context of this topic. Our circumstances in life will vary, often in ways that seem unfair for the better or worse. We cannot always control our circumstances, but we can maximize them. I think it is our responsibility to do so as an expression of gratitude.
We can explore the opportunities and potential that exist in every circumstance. We can stretch ourselves, learn, and serve others. As we do so, we increase in gratitude and make room for new wants and desires.
Gratitude And Abundance
Wanting what we have now and wanting things for the future allows us to tap into abundance.
Abundance is defined as “great plenty; an overflowing quantity; ample sufficiency”. I love this definition, but want to give you an example also.
In our yard we have more than a dozen mature oak trees and various other types of vegetation. And every year we remove hundreds of bags of yard waste in the form of leaves, branches, trimmings, and grass clippings equivalent to several hundred pounds, if not more! Where did it all come from and how can it continue to produce so much with so little? It is awe inspiring that with sunlight, air, water, and minerals so much can grow year after year. When I want to plant new flowers or additional trees, I don’t worry about them taking away from the resources of the others, or not having enough soil, water, or air. They are in unlimited supply and all around us. This is abundance.
Arnold Patent says, “We don’t create abundance. That is our natural state. What we create are limitations.” Perhaps this natural state is why we have wants and desires in the first place. And while abundance may be natural, it can often feel foreign.
When we live our lives from gratitude and abundance, we attract more goodness into our lives. We get to interact with and experience the world differently. The way we view our wants and desires also changes when we believe that there is “an overflowing quantity” of things to be, do, and have. We grow. We expand. We progress.
Get excited for the things on your list that haven’t yet been realized. Be grateful for the very possibility, and look forward to desires you haven’t thought of yet.
I know that being grateful is easier said than done. That is why gratitude has to be cultivated all year long, and not designated to one month a year. There are going to be times when our circumstances are less than ideal. It is in those moments where we have a choice. We can choose to complain and be miserable, or we can choose to look for the goodness and possibility that surround us.
Choose gratitude, contentment, and hope for what could be.
Whether you believe it or not, you have a lot to be grateful for. I know I do.
Photo by Dimitri Iakymuk on Unsplash
