The first week of the new year is now behind us. Perhaps you have set out to make some changes this year and have already begun to feel the disappointment of not having executed your plans to perfection. Maybe it was the sugar that was consumed, the caffeine that quenched a thirst instead of water, a missed day at the gym, or a morning where you hit the snooze button rather than jumping out of bed.
Take heart, you are not alone. In fact, you are human and there are a lot of humans on the planet. Everyone is doing the best the can.
Aren’t you?
If you are wanting to change right now and feel in a hurry to do so, you’re just not ready. I know that is hard to hear, but please understand this: change can only come when you are willing to fully own what your current circumstances are.
Are you?
In my last post, I wrote about reflecting on where you have been before starting out on your new year. If you haven’t read that article, head over there now. REFLECTING is the first first part, then comes ACCEPTING.
As you reflected on your accomplishments of the past and have given yourself credit for doing the amazing things I know you have done, you likely uncovered a few things (or a lot of things) that you wished had been different, and for whatever reason they remain the same.
Maybe these things were entirely in your control to change, and you didn’t. Or perhaps there were things outside of your control, that you desperately tried to change without success. We all have something that didn’t go quite as planned.
Don’t be in a hurry to create a plan to change them. You need a pause. And in this pause is where acceptance can be found. Don’t rush it.
Slow down.
Hit pause.
In the pause is where all the beauty happens. That pause is where acceptance resides.
And while acceptance is useful, it doesn’t always feel good. Consider yourself warned.
Acceptance allows us to make peace with the things we can’t control. It allows us to accept ourselves. It allows us to accept what is and stop judging ourselves. I allows us to accept that what we are experiencing right now is what we have chosen.
Accepting the way things are does not mean we agree with them or condone them. It just means we’re not trying to change something by pushing hard against it, we are allowing. There are really only four choices in any situation: resist, react, avoid, or allow.
So many people are afraid that if they’re not angry or resisting or reacting, nothing will change. They believe change comes from the fight.
The most effective changes comes through peace rather than war.
The definition of acceptance is the action of consenting, or allowing.
If you could genuinely consent as if you had chosen everything that happened in your life in 2019, wouldn’t your life be so much better?
“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” -Eckhart Tolle
Acceptance requires your effort. It requires effort to let go of all the contrasting thoughts – all the should have’s, could have’s and would have’s. That’s true for your past and your present.
Do not confuse acceptance with resignation or giving up. Acceptance is work. Giving up is easy. For some, giving up has become a habit, and a default when they start feeling uncomfortable, or discouraged. We have all be there!
When you accept something, you feel strong. It takes effort to accept something that you cannot change. Giving up feels like inaction and requires a decrease in effort. When you give up on something you can change, you only feel temporary relief, and then ultimately you feel defeated, upset, and let down.
Never beat yourself up for giving up.
Just tell yourself the truth and give yourself permission to begin again. If you have something in your life that you have given up on, revisit it and tell yourself the truth.
If you’ve given up, do you really want to, or are you willing to go through the discomfort that is always required to evolve and grow?
When working with my weight loss clients, I teach them that they have to accept their bodies the way they are in this moment before they can change. This news is often met with skepticism. They often say “That’s giving up. If I accept this body, I won’t change.” The exact opposite is true: When you accept something and own it, that’s when you have all the authority and power to change it.
Allowing doesn’t make make it go away. But as soon as you allow it, your sense of control comes back.
In order to accept, remind yourself that nothing has gone wrong. This doesn’t mean you are giving up. It means you are taking your power back.
“I can forgive myself for my part in this.”
“I accept myself for who I am.”
“I am not this experience.”
“I can choose to start again at any time.”
To release the pain you must acknowledge that you are holding it.
Make 2020 the year that you take your power back. Reflect on the past. Accept what is present. Next week we’ll dive into the final step to making lasting change.
Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash
