My kids went back to school on August 13th. I know it feels a little early, but that is our reality. And over the next few weeks, my college kids head back too, which means our household is going from seven people to four in a matter of weeks.
Some days I’m looking forward to it. Some days I’m dreading it.
The dread isn’t about the quiet. It isn’t about missing them, though I will. It’s about the question the quiet asks. The one that surfaces every single time the schedule shifts and a little breathing room appears.
What will I do differently this time?
September has a particular energy to it, and it always has. The stores flip to fall overnight. The feeds fill with first-day photos. There’s this collective permission slip that gets handed out this time of year, everywhere you look… except, it seems, for us. Because we’re the ones managing everyone else’s transitions. The logistics. The emotional ramp-up. The getting-everyone-ready. And then a stretch of quiet appears, or it doesn’t, and we’re standing in front of the same question.
What is this season going to hold for me? Not the household. Me.
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of working on this, both in my own life and with the women I coach. Survival mode doesn’t take a seasonal break. It keeps running in the background, organizing everything around everyone else’s needs. When open time appears, the first instinct usually isn’t to rest or begin something you’ve been wanting to do. It’s to fill it. More errands. More organizing. More availability, just in case.
The motion survival mode requires doesn’t stop just because the occasion for it has reduced.
This episode is about what it actually takes to claim a season for yourself when survival mode has been running the show. And it starts with a distinction I don’t think gets talked about enough: the difference between a habit and a ritual.
A habit is something you do. A ritual is something you do that means something. The difference is identity.
I share the floor and ceiling framework I use to build habits that survive a hard week, what habit stacking actually looks like in a real season of life, and three examples from my own life, including what our two dogs and a morning hammock taught me about beginning my day as myself before I begin it as anyone else’s anything.
I also address the two things I hear most from the women I work with. “I don’t even know what I want.” And “I’ll figure it out once things settle a little bit more.” If either of those has ever been your honest answer, I want you to hear what I have to say about both.
September is here. It’s asking you a question. This episode is a good place to start answering it.
What You’ll Learn
- [3:00 – 4:45] Why survival mode keeps running even when the schedule opens up, and what this means for both the woman whose kids just went back and the mom with little ones still at home
- [5:30 – 7:15] The floor and ceiling framework, habit stacking, and why the goal is never the most impressive habit
- [8:00 – 9:30] The real difference between a habit and a ritual, and why the distinction comes down to identity
- [9:30 – 14:00] Three real-life examples: the gym during residency, reading before bed, and the morning sun ritual built because two dogs needed to go outside
- [15:30 – 17:45] What I want you to hear if you don’t know what you want, and what I want you to hear if you’re still waiting for things to settle
Resources Mentioned
- The Hidden Cost of Being the Strong One (Free Assessment)
- Episode 32: Honoring Your Personal Seasons (search Supporting Physician Spouses wherever you listen)
Your Next Steps
- Take the Free Assessment
- Listen on Apple Podcasts
- Listen on Spotify
- Connect on Instagram: @SupportingPhysicianSpouses | @Kendra_ItGetsBetterNow
