It’s the most wonderful time of the year! However, for some it can also be the most overwhelming. There are parties, programs, treats to make, presents to wrap, people to visit and service to give. It seems the to-do list doubles during the month of December, while the days are also getting shorter.
- I’m so busy.
- There is so much going on.
- I can’t handle another thing.
- I’m so exhausted.
- There’s not enough time.
I can hear you now, and I have uttered some of these statements myself!
Our first instinct is to look at our circumstances as the source of overwhelm. We all love a good problem to solve, or at least our brains do, and looking outside of ourselves is typically where we concentrate our search. And while there may be outside factors contributing to overwhelm, in most cases we are the unwitting contributor.
But what if I told you that overwhelm is never required? Not at Christmastime or anytime.
Why do we feel overwhelm?
It’s not what you think? Well, actually, it is precisely what you think.
“Overwhelm is not something that happens to you, it’s something that you create.” – Brooke Castillo
We all know people who have large to-do lists that never seem to feel overwhelmed. What makes them so different from someone with the same size list? If it was purely a mathematical equation we would be able to predict with 100% accuracy who would be feeling overwhelmed simply by looking at the evidence. But it’s not so easy.
Outside data points may fail to predict overwhelm, but there are internal points which are surprisingly accurate.
Here are 4 things to pay attention to if you WANT to reduce the feelings of overwhelm this holiday season and all year long.
- Watch your language.
- Watch your “shoulds”.
- Watch your projections.
- Watch your self-care.
Watch your language.
How often do you start your sentences with I have to?
If I asked you what you were doing today would your list sound like this? (Not identical of course.)
- I have to go to the grocery store.
- I have to make dinner.
- I have to go to the gym.
- I have to contact the photographer.
- I have to wrap the presents.
Pay attention to the power of language. Your language.
I-have-to sentences (written, spoken, or thought) contribute to feelings of overwhelm.
You don’t have to do anything. Really. You don’t have to do anything on your list. Ever.
Look at your list of things you have to do, and be honest with yourself. Completely honest. Do you have to do it? How does it feel when you say you have to?
Your language matters. Yes, it is semantics but notice the difference a simple change of words makes:
- I want to go to the grocery store.
- I want to make dinner.
- I want to go to the gym.
- I want to contact the photographer.
- I want to wrap the presents.
If “want” isn’t achieving the feelings you were hoping for, another option to try out is “get”.
- I get to go to the grocery store.
- I get to make dinner.
- I get to go to the gym.
- I get to contact the photographer.
- I get to wrap the presents.
Watch your language about your life. Choose to speak, write, and think the truth.
Watch your shoulds.
When that overwhelming feeling starts to creep in, write everything down. This past week I talked with two different clients who told me about their to-do lists, and both of them repeated items more than once. When you are relying on your mind to keep your list organized, it has a way of appearing larger than it really is. Not to mention that fact that trying to remember takes up valuable energy and can leave you mentally exhausted. Trust me. Just write it down. All of it.
Look at your list. What is on your list that you think you should do but really don’t want to do? Why do you think you should do them? Who thinks you should do them? What would happen if you didn’t do them.
Question all of your shoulds. Is it something you can delegate? Is it something that actually needs to be done? Could it be released and let go of?
Making this a daily practice becomes a form of overwhelm prevention. It is a seemingly simple practice that pays big dividends.
Many of the things we think we should do or worry about are based off caricatures of the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, room mom, etc. These should’s are disguised as well-meaning suggestions, but often leave us feeling like we are falling short and failing on every front.
The holiday season comes with its own unique set of perceived expectations. We feel bad about the things that are on the list and the things we think should be on the list but aren’t!
- Holiday cards to family, friends, acquaintances.
- Hosting a holiday party.
- Attending all the holiday parties.
- Supporting every charity and organization.
- Baking cookies and delivering to neighbors.
- Decorating, lights, caroling, etc.
- Traditions.
- Volunteering time to local charities.
- Matching clothes for church.
- Concerts, recitals, performances, plays.
- Gifts to select, buy, wrap, ship.
Can you separate your desires and wants from the expectations you or others have?
Do you want to be someone who does things she doesn’t want to do and feels the resentment that inevitably comes along with it?
If you want to have a truly wonderful holiday season, do the things that you want, not that things that you should. Recognize there is a difference and own your reasons for doing, or not doing, them. This is your life, don’t let anyone else make the decisions for you. Choose with intention and purpose.
Watch your projections.
Often we create overwhelm by worrying about what will happen if we don’t get all of the things done. The dreaded What-ifs.
What are you projecting into the future that is causing you to feel overwhelm in the present?
The feelings of overwhelm can be produced by the tendency to thought spiral on questions that are impossible to resolve or answer. Many of these questions might begin with the seemingly innocent what if?
What if we don’t go to the party? What will they think of us? Will we ever get invited to a party again? What if there is someone there that could influence our careers? What if we go and don’t know anyone there?
What if we don’t reciprocate with gifts? What will they think? How much should we spend? Should we give gifts or wait until they do? What kind of gift is appropriate?
This out-of-control, spiral thinking seldom resolves anything, but it does punctuate the feelings of overwhelm.
The worst case scenarios churn in our minds over and over. The sheer number of possibilities that exist in the future are beyond our ability to control. This lack of control, while simultaneously trying to exert control over the unknown is a losing strategy.
The next time you find yourself asking a what if question, be willing to answer it and put an end to it. If you aren’t sure how that would look for you, let me offer this suggestion:
Whatever happens, I will know how to handle it.
The choice I am making right now is …
When you become aware that you are spinning in your thoughts, go back to the above and repeat as often as needed.
Watch your self care.
When we are overwhelmed, the tendency is to put ourselves last. I know you know what that looks like! You take care of everyone else, and everything before you take care of yourself. It seems to be hallmark of motherhood, but this is doing it backwards.
Neglecting your self care is the reason you feel tired, fatigued, sluggish, and irritable.
In the realm of finances you have heard the wisdom to “pay yourself first”. This same philosophy can be applied to individuals. “Take care of yourself first”.
If you are experiencing overwhelm, your mind will try and convince you that you don’t have time take care of yourself. What you may really need is not more completed tasks crossed off on your to-do list, but more time away from tasks to give your body and mind what it truly needs. When you are taking care of yourself, you are much more clear-minded. You have more energy. You are more focused. You accomplish more.
Self-care means different things to different people. In my worksheet on self-care I identify 6 minimum baseline needs: hygiene, hydration, rest, activity, connection, and nutrition. You can get your copy of this PDF by emailing me at kendra@itgetsbetternow.com.
Self-care is also about downtime. Maybe it’s reading books, disconnecting from social media, etc. The worksheet also includes a list of 30 suggestions if you need help thinking of something that could provide you with the restorative activities you need.
Make this holiday season the most wonderful time of the year for you, and do so without the overwhelm.
Feeling especially overwhelmed and want some additional resources? Click here to download my 5 Steps to Conquering Overwhelm Quick Start Guide.
