This is a question I have been asking myself frequently as I have been studying the biography of Russell M. Nelson: Father, Surgeon, Apostle.
He and his wife, Dantzel married when he was a poor medical student.
She was a gifted vocalist and gave up a spot at The Julliard School of Music.
They moved far away from their family for internship and residency.
They had 10 children 9 girls and 1 boy, the last when she was 46 years old.
He was a pioneering heart-surgeon with a busy and successful career.
Sound familiar?
I can relate to many of the details of her life and you probably can too!
There are so many of us who have sacrificed careers, education, family, and our own wants and desires to support the dreams of our husbands. Being the wife of a surgeon is not for the faint of heart.
How did she do it?
There are some glimpses into how Dantzel thought and felt about her life and what made her such a remarkable woman.
“Someone once asked Dantzel how she managed to rear ten children with so little help from her busy surgeon-husband. She candidly replied, ‘When I married him, I didn’t expect much, so I was never disappointed.’”
One of the Nelson daughters observed that when someone asked her mother how she dealt with all the stress of rearing such a large family, Dantzel calmly replied, “What stress?”
I know the idea of expecting less from our surgeon-husbands isn’t exactly what you might want to do, but let me suggest that it might be exactly what you can do.
• I know that you do a lot on your own.
• I know that you are lonely at times.
• I know that you feel undervalued and unappreciated for your never-ending work.
• I know that you wish your husband was home more often than he is.
But I also know that it isn’t a problem you have to have if you don’t want to.
• You have proven yourself capable time and time again.
• You may be lonely but that doesn’t mean you have to be lonesome.
• You don’t need validation from anyone because YOU know how valuable YOU are in this relationship.
• You may not have many hours of the week together but time does not equal love.
My husband had that great pleasure of meeting Dantzel’s husband prior to starting medical school. I love hearing him tell this story. He asked Dr. Nelson if it was possible to be a good surgeon and a good husband and father.
What do you think his reply was?
If you know this amazing man, his job did not hinder him from being the husband and father he wanted to be. And from what I now know of Dantzel, she didn’t allow his job to hinder her from being the kind of wife and mother she wanted to be.
Who do you want to be in your relationship with your surgeon-husband?
What would Dantzel do?
If you know an incredible woman married to a surgeon please consider sharing this blog with her. I know there are thousands of women just like you, me and Dantzel.
We’re a pretty amazing group of women, don’t you think?
