My name is Kendra Harvey.  I spent years using my husband’s career as an excuse for not doing the things I wanted, and needed, to do. I was waiting. Waiting for the day when the hard part was over, so we could finally start living.

It was 2011 and my husband was in his 5th year surgical residency with two more years to go and I was expecting our fourth child. One night in frustration I started an anonymous blog where I chronicled my experiences as a burned-out residents wife. For three years that blog was my source of therapy and connection with other resident spouses. 

And then I stopped.

We had finally arrived at It Gets Better. That magical moment when years of training finally pay off, but it didn’t really feel better. Yes, everything changed, but not really. I felt completely lost, alone, and unprepared. 

For years I had been holding on to the promise that it would get better when our current circumstance changed. And then that day came, and then a year passed, and it still wasn’t better – I was confused. 

When was better going to arrive?

That question began a search to feel better and enjoy the life we had worked and sacrificed so much to create. 

The answer wasn’t complicated, but it was difficult to accept. But as soon as I did, that is when things began to change. 

You see, the problem wasn’t that residency was long, hard, and overwhelming. It wasn’t that we had made-do and done without for a decade. It wasn’t that we needed a vacation. It wasn’t the balance on our bank statement or student loans.

It wasn’t what I thought it was.

It was me.

Self-neglect is not a good long-term strategy for a happy life. I was so “busy” raising children, and managing our life while my husband saved lives that I had neglected the most important relationship I had. The one with myself. 

No one could do it for me. There was no short-cut. I had to do it for me. It was the best work I have ever done. For myself, for my husband, for my children.

Maybe you find yourself in the same position I was: constantly overwhelmed, resenting your husband’s career, mentally fatigued, physically exhausted, and emotionally disconnected. On the outside everything looks like you imagined it would, but your inner world tells a different story.

Your circumstances can change, even drastically – but unless you change, nothing changes.

Because I know the unique challenges that you face, I can teach you the tools that I have used to transform my life from the inside out. We share a bond forged by a unique set of circumstances. I know that it often feels like you don’t have control over your own life, and some days you wish everything was different. I know you have set your personal career, education, and desires on hold to focus on the dreams of your spouse and to rear children.  

It’s time to stop hiding behind your husband’s white coat.  It’s time to start rebuilding and strengthening the relationship you have with yourself.

Coaching has been an important part of my personal self-development and I am honored to offer this service to you. Everyone needs a coach!  Take advantage of my free session from someone who knows where you have been. Click below.

It truly does get better, but only when you do.